bits and pieces

 The past few months have been challenging. I've been so stressed out from work (mainly, among other things) that my sister confessed that she was worried about my mental state, which she never does. What else could she think after I've called her in the middle of a workday (this never happens, everything is email email email), and busted out of my bedroom door past midnight yelling "BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT. BULL-SHIT."

Pity party aside, here are some tidbits I've collected over the past few months.

On work IMs and emails: The copious amounts of overtime everyone in the office has been working has turned us into wild sweatshop animals; cagey and ready to go for each others' throats at the smallest trigger. The other day I received a very polite IM from a coworker asking me if I had a moment to help them with an order. And despite the nice message, I could not help thinking for a split second, "why YES I have a moment. I have LOTS of moments and no fucks to give." Thank goodness I have self control.

On suicide: FIRST off, I'm not going to off myself. I know it's bad and selfish, but we'd all be lying if we said it hadn't crossed our minds once or twice. Anyway...thank God I am TOO lazy to suicide myself. If I ever decided to suicide myself, I would want to organize my belongings first; donate clothing I don't need (well of course I wouldn't be needing them anymore) and throw away all the trash I have accumulated in my lifetime. I couldn't bare to leave so much work for my family to do in addition to arranging my funeral. Alas, I am too lazy to do ALL these things, especially with all the overtime going on at work. So I will say this: when I was growing up, my father would always lecture me, saying that "laziness is a disease", but in this case, laziness is actually a lifesaver.

On Yelp: They need to have Yelp for people, all people. Before I come into contact with a new restaurant, I want to study the menu and read past reviews in order to avoid any feelings of disappointment and reduce the risk of heartburn.

On bad dreams: It must have been a lulu. A few weeks ago (during one of the busiest weeks this season at work), I had a dream that I was in my childhood house and my mother was breaking the news to me that for the past six years I had been living a delusion brought on by severe depression and that IN this delusion, I was severely depressed...in the delusion brought on my severe depression...and now was the time to consider voluntarily committing myself. I remember being upset and panicking because this meant that I had been doing all this work for fake college and had no degree to speak of. Should I capitalize and underline and bold and italicize "VOLUNTARILY" on my resumé?

On manners: Last week I was feeling somewhat better, so I bought ice cream for myself and three other friends/coworkers. We were outside enjoying the sun and eating our ice cream when I noticed a guy walking towards the entrance door carrying a CPU. I walked over to the door, which was a good distance from where I was standing and I held the door open for him. This guy, this swell, this ne'er do well had the balls to give me the stink eye and huff and puff his way through the door without saying a word to me. I have never wanted to punch a guy in the dick so much in my life.

On the bright side: I know I've been whining, so I keep telling myself to stop crying like a little girl because things are still so great. I've been told that we're never given anything we cannot handle, so I would rather work harder at better handling whatever is coming next than sail through life all fat and happy with everything handed to me on a silver platter and never learning anything. <3